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ChatGPT Psychosis
So, thanks to
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( The human mind is a delicate thing. You gotta be nice to it. )
They're people, friends, lovers. NOT Satan. Destroying your soulbonds is murder. |
Inspired by Shyvana’s journal on linking Bitter Glasse, I’ve decided to take my heart link with Uma Musume and reconstruct it. Although I’ve been trying to establish the group (Umas) as a hearttype and Cinderella Gray as a hearttale, I haven’t had much success in either venture. I’m very passionate about the characters of Uma Musume. Each of them have surprisingly rich stories, and I’ve come to enjoy the series as a fan who doesn’t play the game itself. Given my personal hang-ups with gacha games, I choose to stick with the manga and its anime adaptations. I figured this link would eventually be dropped, but reading Shyvana’s post was like a breath of fresh air. I hesitated to switch this linktype from a heartlink to a fictionlink, largely because I was adamant about not being an Uma Musume.
However, life is a funny, fickle thing. I’ve been having cameo shifts as an Uma. Initially, I thought nothing of it and assumed it to be partially equine shifts (kemonimimi shifts, in this case). I’d only experience phantom ears, a tail, and horseshoe-like protrusions underneath my feet. I didn’t feel distinctly like someone else until I’d experience cameo shifts as specific characters within Uma Musume. Among these cameo shifts, I experienced being: Symboli Kris S, Orfevre, Durandal, and Fenomeno. There’s only a couple of similarities from these characters: their maturity, their resolve, and their sense of duty. Besides that, they had both aesthetic and characteristic differences between them. Of the four Umas, I felt myself gravitating around Orfevre and Durandal the most. I’m no stranger to royal aesthetics. I have fictomeres where that went beyond aesthetics for me, and none of them turned out great. It doesn’t surprise me that it’s these two in particular who caught my attention, or at least my shapeshifting’s attention. Although I respect Orfevre’s commanding presence and confidence (traits I want as my own), I think I’m more like Durandal in terms of behavior. There’s also the fact that her hair (including the white patch) matches my coat as an American Quarter Horse. Learning that she excels in short distances threw me through a loop, too; AQHs are known for doing well in that field. Before doing anything else, I want to learn more about this world’s Durandal. We’ll likely have nothing in common, seeing that I feel represented by the fictionalized version of him. That said, I want to do this out of courtesy.
I want to link the traits of Uma Musume’s Durandal, but I think this situation is more of a questioning process than the building of a linktype. If so, my best guess is that this falls within the psychological department of experiences, but I’m not confirming anything without further introspection. Who knows, I might have to give Orfevre another shot if this doesn’t go anywhere. I’ve always had a weird relationship with my equinehood. I didn’t think it’d carry over to reincarnated horse girls, though. It’s strange since, as a horse, I’m not a racer. One of my breeds can qualify in races, but I regard myself as the type of AQH to either do ranch work or compete in cutting competitions. Otherwise, I take pride in being depended on for draught work. Perhaps, it’s our mutual interest in servitude that ties Durandal and I together. It’s not the same kind of servitude, but both involve putting our bodies— especially our physical strength— to the test for those we work with. Again, I’m not confirming anything yet. I still need to learn more about this world’s Durandal and Orfevre respectively. I plan on watching both characters’ in-game stories as well. This may give Orfevre a chance in this process. May the best horse girl (or version of me) win, I suppose.
Honestly, I should’ve seen this coming when those kemonomimi shifts started happening a lot more often. But, what can you do, y’know? Sometimes, you wind up questioning something you never thought you’d question. Then, as you go through that, it turns out a lot more pressing than you thought it’d be. Such is the case with alterhumanity.
In terms of talking about my work, people often take the spiritual side as an allegory or a metaphor for something else--sometimes for queerness or transness, but for me, it's not. [...] When I use Western language to describe myself, I'm translating. Even when I call myself queer, or I call myself trans, I'm stepping away from my actual Igbo spiritual center, and using Western language, and translating to make myself more accessible. It's honestly a form of masking, because indigenous spirituality is illegible in a Western context. Because of white supremacy, but also because the West does not acknolwedge indigenous realities as real...